One week down (well tomorrow) 

YOU GUYS! Good news! It's Tuesday and my best friend got to email me today!

I randomly woke up at 5:30 a.m. so excited to get an email from keian I couldn't fall back asleep. I sat in bed refreshing my email every 30 minutes hoping to catch him in time to chat a little. When I thought he'd never email I got a little buzz and quickly opened up my mail! I wish I would've been more prepared for our first email. Tears!! (Of joy)  they wouldn't stop coming out until about an hour after. It was the best feeling to hear from him! 

First P day email:

DOOZMCGOOOOOO I miss you so much! I think of you EVERY night. I want
you to know that! I sit in my bed after my long day and just think of
you. Youre in my journal EVERY night. 

You make me so happy even
hundreds of miles away. In the other side of heaven when they say the
cheesy line like *we will be under the same moon* I literally look up
at the sky at night and think of the moon kissing your face like I
would if I was there. You are an amazing example to me and THANK YOU
FOR THE PICTURES!!!! all the elders are showing each other our girls
and its hilarious. I was happy I could show them so thanks! and more
importantly I was happy to see your face! I see it all day in my head
but I never get to just stare at it and I miss that!! You are driving
me to keep going even though you dont know it! I love you so much and
I cant wait to squeeze you very soon!  I cant wait to hear from you all the time!

GUYS! He actually spelled you're right! Lol...he could never get it right.

One of his companions there has a girlfriend as well..funny thing is her & I saw each other on Instagram and now text each other! Small world ? 

Anyhoo.

He's a keeper. 

Until next week. I miss you elder!!

XX

In these past weeks I've had nothing but the mere thought of "what if"

A constant what if this, what if that..what if it doesn't work out the way I want it go.

The awful unknown feeling that lingers in your stomach. Split between so many roads questioning which one to take, I took it one on one with the lord asking for help! As weeks grew on I began to get frustrated. Feeling as if time was closing in on me I still kept praying (unfortunately in discouragement) saying " I know you're listening..please answer my prayers"

At work it can often get slow. Costumers wander in and out sooo I keep myself busy whether it's in a healthy way or not (social media..yuh get me??) Scrolling through facebook a highschool friend (now serving a mission) shared a mormon message which later led to another message and to another ..and coincidently they were all about the same thing. (Trusting God) I quickly pulled out my journal and jotted down a few things to always remember. (AKA ANSWER TO MY PRAYER) 

In the video elder holland told a story ~

Matt: dad why did we feel after praying about it that the right road was the proper one to take and it wasn't? 

(After getting back on the right road) Holland: I think that the lords wish for us there and his answer to our prayer was to get us on the right road as quickly as possible with some reassurance and some understanding that we were on the right road and we didn't have to worry about it. And in this case the easiest way to do that was to let us go 400 yards or 500 yards on the wrong road and very quickly know without a doubt know it was the wrong road and therefor with equal certainty, with equal conviction that the other one was the right road

 

+ sometimes answers to our prayers are not sudden , sometimes they are

+ sometimes the answer to our prayer is obvious and a cool story to tell, sometimes it's a small simple answer that we must search for

+ and sometimes the lord leaves it up to us to decide 

+ trust God more than your heart 

I love receiving answers to prayers. It's another confirmation to me that God loves us & hears us. I have an absolute perfect knowledge that God loves us. He trusts us and expects the best from us. God is good.

Do not retreat when something doesn't go right 

Guess whaaaat?

Can I just start by saying..today was absolutely lovely. I spent some one on one quality time with my little brother running him to and fro across town, to the other side of town and back. I love having little heart to hearts with him even though he thinks he's too cool for me (I don't curr..I will kiss that little boys cheek anytime of the day no matter who sees!)

After taking him home I went up to my little brother Joaquin's cemetery to ponder. I got out of my car and sat on the winter/spring grass (aka the dead and the new grass coming in) 

The sun was setting and I was playing beautiful hymns on my phone. I looked down after a few minutes and my phone was at 1%. (Don't you hate that??) I hopped back onto my feet and plugged my phone into my car to charge. I saw my scriptures and journal in the back seat and felt I needed to grab them. I pulled them out and say back down and my brothers headstone. I decided I was just going to read where I last left off in the Book of Mormon. Have you ever heard those stories where someone pulled out their scriptures and the wind blew it open to a page and there was a verse that they needed to hear?? Well that's exactly what happened to me. As I opened my scriptures to where I had last left off the wind blew and opened it to 1 Nephi chapter 21. In purple were some words I had highlighted from a few verses. I first read the words read "...go forth; to them that sit in darkness: show yourselves"(1 nephi 21:9) then I looked up and read "....and my God shall be my strength."(1 nephi 21:5) and last but not least I read "..for by the spirit are all things made known.."(1 nephi 22:2).

So now you may be asking yourself well.. What does that have to do with anything?? For those of you who don't know I've ALWAYS had the desire to serve a mission. From the moment I walked into my high school seminary classroom. The moment I gained my own testimony of our savior Jesus Christ and Heavenly Father. I've recently set in stone that I will be starting my papers to serve a mission! And these few verses I read today confirmed to me that I was doing what I needed to do. 

Now some of you might be asking well why Desi? You're a girl you don't need to serve a mission. 

That's exactly it. I WANT to serve a mission. I just love the gospel so much and all the joy and comfort it's brought into my life ..I don't know how I'd ever survive with out knowing that we have a savior who loves and knows us perfectly and that he died for us so that we as imperfect human beings could repent and return home again. I love knowing that. And I want do share that with others so they can know that as well. Just like in Lehis vision. How he partook of the fruit and how he wanted his family to partake of the fruit as well because it was so great! (My exact feeling) I would love to share with others about our loving redeemer. Ok ok you get the point tehe. 

I believe in Christ ~ xoxo

My six word love story? "I know he's worth waiting for" 

"...they separated themselves and departed one from another, trusting in the Lord that they should meet again at the close of their harvest; for they supposed that great was the work which they had undertaken"

Alma 17:13

I feel like I should be allowed to wear a shirt this week that says "I just said goodbye to my missionary" so people understand the reason behind the swollen eyes and random bursts of tears. 

What a bitter sweet next two years these will be. I can not wait to grow spiritually with him and watch him learn and grow. 

I walked out to keians car last night knowing it was going to be the last for two years. He stood outside the car smiling and opened the car door for me. Somewhere over the rainbow was playing (and for those of you who don't know, my family and I associate that song with my little brother who's passed beyond the veil) my heart melted. We sat in his car cuddled, talked and sat in silence for a couple of hours. As I was laying my head on his shoulder the thought "how is this our last cuddle for two years? That's not a thing" repeated over and over. but it is. 

It didn't hit me until I gave him his last kiss and hug and watched him look back at me as I closed the door to my house. 

Since then the tears just keep coming and the words stay strong repeat over and over. I love this boy more and more everyday & everytime I think I can't love him anymore than I already do... I love him more. 

He sent me a text yesterday saying in two years we'll be cruising in my car and we'll say "that was fast" 

I can't wait for that moment.

I look up to him. He's blessed my life in so many ways ever since the ninth grade. (I know what you're thinking ..that was dinosaur years ago) 

So basically anyone who wants to sit in top knots & indulge in tubes of icecream & eat hot Cheetos while watching Netflix for this next month (obviously we'll go to the gym too..I mean, summers coming up) have heart to hearts. basically become the best of  friends. Then pls feel free to join me.

I love you keian Maliga! 

needing the beautiful beach right about now

I feel my saviors love

I rushed over to the side of the road with an overwhelming feeling of sadness.Tears filled my eyes and I allowed myself to cry. To just let it all out. My stepdad once told me that it is ok to cry. I scrolled through my contacts searching for someone to talk to hoping one would understand my pain and be able to calm and comfort me. Not one person in my contacts would've been able to understand me. Face in the palms of my hands I began to sob. My heart was heavy and I whispered  to myself "why am I so lonely right now? Why is there no one that I can talk to that will understand?" Right after I whispered to myself I legit heard these words "you are not alone. You already know someone who can calm and comfort you more than anyone you know. And he's already here for you listening to you right now" clear as day. I can testify to you that we have a savior who loves and knows us. He created us. He died for us and loves us more than we can even comprehend. He listens and will comfort you. I feel my saviors love 💕